The Sirens of Singlehood and The Single Gardener's Manifesto

So, there have been some interesting things going on in the life of this spontaneous gardener. An old friend of mine and I reconnected, and there were sparks. We followed the sparks, but it just didn't feel right. It was really all a matter of bad timing on both of our parts. In our own separate ways, we are each being seduced by the sirens of singlehood.

This recent experience has got me reflecting. I've never had a period of my life where I've made a commitment to being single. I tend to meet men via online dating services, which can create a sense of false intimacy right off the bat. It's like the relationship is destined to happen before we even meet each other. That beautiful, slow period of organic discovery where you learn about each others' interests and passions -- well, I've never really had that. Not in my adult life, anyway. I have it in my head that I'm really bad at meeting potential dating partners in real life. Considering that I've been on several offline dates in the past few months and gotten several phone numbers has been quite the revelation for me. I'm not bad at this. I'm just learning how to do it. And I think I could use more practice.

The Internet has really changed the way we interact with each other. Via Facebook and Twitter, we build online versions of ourselves. In a sense, I suppose that's also what I'm doing on this blog. I like to think that my online personality is fairly close to the reality of who I am in flesh and blood, but there are definitely differences. I give great hugs, and you can't hug a screen.

What it comes down to is this. I want to fall in love with a person, not a profile. I think that, with online dating, I often fall for the profile before the person. And I don't want to go into a relationship with an idealized notion of how a person is supposed to be, based on what he wrote on an online dating website. No -- I want real life and all of its messiness. I want the butterflies, the confusion, and the period of sharing and learning. It's too easy for me if it's all right there for the taking.

I don't want to come out and completely diss online dating, because I know it has worked for some of my friends, and I know it works for some people. Meeting "the right person" takes time and effort. You may not encounter "the right person" in your everyday interactions -- but he or she could be waiting online. And I know of people who met the right person this way. But I'm a storyteller. And I'd rather my (our) future story begin with phrases like this --

I met him at a concert. I found her joyful, crazy dancing infectious. I kept seeing her at Science Cafe, and she asked fabulous questions. We volunteered together at a garden. We started talking at a baseball game. Friends set us up. He was on a Mountaineers hike with me.

That's the kind of story I want to start telling. And I think that, in order to have that story, I really need to get offline and give real life a chance. I also need to have a summer where I am single in the city. I need to heed the call of the sirens of singlehood in order to be ready for a relationship again. I need to put myself in social situations where I may be a little bit uncomfortable. I need to get out there and meet some strangers, and bring those strangers into the circle of wonderful people I am so blessed to call friends. I need to dance, hike, garden, volunteer, and get to the point where I am comfortable doing things alone -- and especially be comfortable with going places by myself.

So my Single Gardener's Manifesto is this. I am committing myself to a summer of offline dating. I will learn how to meet people by putting myself in slightly uncomfortable social situations -- places that challenge my shyness (I can be shy in large groups of people I don't know) and my limits. I will take care of myself. I will enjoy the company of my friends. I will dance, laugh, love, and explore the city. I will force myself to go singles mixers like the upcoming Singles Night at Safeco Field, because I'm deathly curious and I have no idea what goes on at these things. It's going to be so much fun. And I'm sure I'll have some great stories, too.

Since this is supposed to be a blog about gardening, I should update you on the status of my wonderful plants! My peas are finally coming out of their flowers, and it seems like new peas appear on the vines each day. The tomato starts are all successfully hardened off. I put three more in the garden today, and will put the rest in once the peas and fava beans come out. The fava beans are starting to produce beans, and I will have to figure out what on earth to do with them. The carrots and broccoli are growing quite nicely. The garden is buzzing with light, life, and activity. Summer is almost here. I can taste the tomatoes and peppers already.