Amending the Soil; Still Beating

Apologies for the lack of photos -- my camera shutter won't open all the way. I either need to go fix it or buy a new camera. Lame! It's been a good run -- I guess four years is really all you can expect out of cameras anymore. I still have my Pentax K-1000 SLR, but with the advent of digital pictures, haven't used it in a long time. I still have pictures I took with it up in my room. Some of them are going on ten years old. Wow.

Today, I amended my soil with Zoo Doo. Now what is "amending the soil," and what exactly does one do to "amend" it? Well, most garden soil is missing essential nutrients. Unfortunately, you can't just plant veggies and leave them alone. Veggies require care -- and leafy greens like nitrogen. To amend the soil in your garden bed, put down a layer of compost. With an aerator (it looks a little like a garden fork), gently work the compost into the soil around your veggies. I'm not entirely sure how often you should do it -- that would be a good question for the Garden Hotline.

There is still a ladybug living on my oregano plant. Also, my strawberries now think that it's late enough in spring to start producing tiny berries. Granted, these are alpine strawberries, so maybe they're supposed to produce berries earlier than the everbearing variety I grew last year. The plant producing the berries looks a little wilted, and I'm not entirely sure what to do about it. But, as I learned last year (and wrote about here), strawberries are resilient. Like me.

I had a song make me cry yesterday. In general, I've been doing fine -- I'm keeping myself busy with the garden, leading hikes, and doing fun things with friends. Two months into it, and I'm adjusting to the single girl lifestyle -- so much so that I'm coming to love it. I'm approaching the post-relationship phase of self-discovery with a grace and openness I didn't know existed. I'm meeting some great new people through the Mountaineers, and reconnecting with old friends. I'm remembering who I am by doing what I love with the people I love.

This hasn't really been a sad time. In fact, it's pretty exciting. Today, I will finish my application for UW Seattle's special education program. I'm on the cusp of a grand new adventure, which is right where I like to be.

But I still have sad moments, and I still have sad days. Yesterday's sad moment crept up on me unexpectedly. I was listening to Josh Ritter's CD "The Historical Conquests of Josh Ritter," and the song "Still Beating" came on.

I am thankful to John for introducing me to gardening and to Josh Ritter. If it's possible to have a crush on someone's voice and ability to write music, than I have a crush on Josh Ritter's. It's likely that I have heard this song many times before, but hadn't ever listened to the lyrics. We used to listen to Josh Ritter on the way to the mountains, and I was often driving, or reading, or enjoying the fact that I was hanging out with my then-awesome boyfriend. For the year-and-a-half we were together, I never thought to pay attention to the lyrics.

It was like I was hearing the song for the first time yesterday. The lyrics are as follows:

"I know the dog days of the summer
Have you ten-to-one out-numbered
Seems like everybody up and left and they're not coming back
The shadow that you're standing on's still here sometimes that's all that you can ask
And your heart's still beating

You're not the fastest draw in town now
How many times you been shot down now?
Seems like everybody else could see the things you never did
But if you could yourself you'd probably never have made it through the things you did
With your heart still beating

I know the dog days of the summer Have you ten-to-one out-numbered
It seems like everybody else saw trouble sneaking up behind
Left you half dead in the street but that just means you're half alive
And your heart's still beating"
-- Josh Ritter, "Still Beating"

Here is the song, for those of you who want to listen -- http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=evHrugzL_g4&feature=PlayList&p=0DDC7F98A700B3D8&playnext_from=PL&playnext=1&index=4

Both the second and third verses just really got to me. It's just so true. I don't think I could have made it through the last few really hard months if I actually saw the things I never did. But I made it through, and my heart's still beating. How and why I'll never know -- but it is, and I'm slowly getting back from the place where I was half dead or half alive to feeling more fully alive. I think the song got to me because I realized just how much I've survived recently. I never saw any of it coming. And now I'm redefining and remembering who I am, following my passions, and falling in love with the world around me all over again. My heart's still beating, and it'll keep beating through good moments and bad ones. There's a line from an Indigo Girls song that goes "It's remarkable the mess we make and what we can survive." I am learning just how true this is.

Last night, after listening to the song that made me cry, a wonderful set of old friends and new friends came over for a potluck. We spent the evening laughing, sharing food, making new friendships and delighting in old ones. I'm so amazed by all of the wonderful people in my life, and I probably kept repeating "I'm so glad you're here" over and over again.

It's true. I'm so glad you're here. My friends are the reason why my heart's still beating.

OK. Time to leave Josh Ritter, turn on something twangy from the great CD my friend Loren burned for me, and have a spontaneous single girl dance party in my kitchen.